A New Start (Again)

So once again I am making a new start. I feel like I've been doing that for years, but I guess a new start is better than a miserable present.

I am 41 years old, have been in food service nearly 20 years (decorating cakes for 16). I was so nervous yesterday when I had to go fill out some paperwork, I took a xanax. That's not something I normally do (rarely), but new things/changes make me a nervous wreck. But just you wait until I get my feet wet, I will make those people fall in love with me.

In A Nut Shell

I haven't done this in so long, there's no way I can catch up. Early last Summer (2009), Daddy was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We were devastated. I'll never forget Mama pushing Daddy's wheelchair, tears pouring down her face, and her mouthing the words to me "Alzheimer's". We went home together. Daddy laid down on the bed, and cried, while Mama held his hand and cried. I bottled it all up, and did my crying alone. Only weeks after this, he was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. In many ways we've been losing him bit by bit, but in some ways he's improved. The "cocktail" of pills has helped the tremors enough that he can once again work his beloved crossword puzzle. He even wrote me a letter for my 41st birthday (can't ever remember him doing that).

I went from working 60 hour weeks, to working 30 hour weeks...just so I could be with him. I've now left that job, and am starting a new one. We will be facing some new challenges, but Mama and I are pretty tough (some would say mean), and I know we can work it out. I have let fear, and "what if's" control my decisions, and it's time to change some things.

This past year has been a learning experience, and I know we'll look back one day and realize that these were "the easy days". When it gets worse, and it will (there's no cure for Alzheimer's except death), we're going to dig deep, and keep on going.