Winter is when I pretty much shut down. Besides celebrating Christmas for two months, I just don't want to do anything in winter. It feels too cold to go outside, and the house seems a little darker so I've always made myself spend many hours at work to get thru these winter months. But now the daffodils are blooming, and every day I see more and more plants coming up thru this cold ground. It makes me look forward to once again being on my hands and knees pulling weeds.....working in my flower beds. Trying to figure out what disease this plant has, and what bug is eating that plant. You have to go thru all of that to get the flowers. Life is really no different. We go thru those dark, lonely days when every thing seems to be shut down. And the more you work it seems the worse things get. But you keep going. You keep trying. Before you know it, in the middle of your trouble, those "flowers" start coming again. You get a glimpse of hope again. I don't just say these words, I've lived it.
Ten years ago was when it all fell apart for me. Work got hard and unpleasant. My marriage started to go. All day long I had to work under miserable conditions.....those lovely 18 hour days. Then I could look forward to driving home never knowing what I would walk in to. My health began to fail, and a few people thought (hoped?) I would drop dead before I turned 31. One doctor told me if I got a good case of the flu it could finish me off. This was the beginning of hell for me. I really can't stand to think of those dark days. It's just too hard....too sad. Nobody really knows how it changed me and how much that hurt never goes away. There is a song I love to quote: "No amount of money could buy from me the memories I have of then. No amount of money could pay me to go back to live through it again". I lived thru those days, and I know how to make it the hard way. I found myself missing a lot of personal possessions and over $30,000 in debt. I made up my mind one morning that this would not be my downward spiral. If it took me five years to dig my way out, I could do it. I worked hard.....just like I always have.....and in two and a half years paid off every penny I owed.
Life is not easy. Life isn't always fair. But, I am living. If I keep living I will turn 40 this year; A lot of people didn't think I'd make it. Here I am. Stronger because of those dark days. Smarter because I lived it. You have to get thru the bad times, the tough times.....the cold "winter times" to get back to spring again. I want to celebrate living. I want to celebrate turning 40. I know hard times will come again, but for today I am going to enjoy the flowers that are blooming right now.
Ten years ago was when it all fell apart for me. Work got hard and unpleasant. My marriage started to go. All day long I had to work under miserable conditions.....those lovely 18 hour days. Then I could look forward to driving home never knowing what I would walk in to. My health began to fail, and a few people thought (hoped?) I would drop dead before I turned 31. One doctor told me if I got a good case of the flu it could finish me off. This was the beginning of hell for me. I really can't stand to think of those dark days. It's just too hard....too sad. Nobody really knows how it changed me and how much that hurt never goes away. There is a song I love to quote: "No amount of money could buy from me the memories I have of then. No amount of money could pay me to go back to live through it again". I lived thru those days, and I know how to make it the hard way. I found myself missing a lot of personal possessions and over $30,000 in debt. I made up my mind one morning that this would not be my downward spiral. If it took me five years to dig my way out, I could do it. I worked hard.....just like I always have.....and in two and a half years paid off every penny I owed.
Life is not easy. Life isn't always fair. But, I am living. If I keep living I will turn 40 this year; A lot of people didn't think I'd make it. Here I am. Stronger because of those dark days. Smarter because I lived it. You have to get thru the bad times, the tough times.....the cold "winter times" to get back to spring again. I want to celebrate living. I want to celebrate turning 40. I know hard times will come again, but for today I am going to enjoy the flowers that are blooming right now.
